Lots to work with in this one!
OK
Hope everyone had a happy holiday!
We are in England on our way to Hong Kong, but I wanted to pick up the thread of the blog by critquing a few pieces.
So let’s start with Martell’s Time Man Film.
I like this one a lot because it shows a lot of ambition and he also makes lots of mistakes.
(If you didn’t make any mistakes, what would be the point of being here).
So there’s lots to learn from by watching this one.
Overall, the plot is nice, (although (spoiler alert!), if I had a pen that was a Time Machine, I could think of a lot of other things I would do with it first – but as Jurassic Park has already been made, we’ll stick to this).
OK.
I like the open and I like the way it is written. I always like a first person narrative – it gets us into the story right away.
If you are going to do this, then you are going to have to do a better job of mixing the audio tracks – one from your narration and the other from the nat sound.
They should both be in the clear and it should be easy to tell one from the other.
Your biggest problem in the first scene is that you haven’t shot any sequences (see 5-shot rule). There’s a reason I am so dogmatic about the 5-shot thing. It is particularly for scenes like this. You have ended up with an endless series of jump cuts here – medium shot to medium shot to medium shot. Â This does not work.
You need to shoot this scene with lots of variable shots – close up on your face, over the shoulder, etc.. This will allow you to move around the room in the edit and have a nice, even, fluid flow to the scene. You don’t have that here.
Next, look at your major edit points.
The dropping of the phone sequence 00:50 is nice. Nice nat sound, but the surrounding shots are a bit ‘stagey’. Â Also there are a few seconds of dead air – no sound at all. L-cut the audio from the dropping sequence into the reaction shot and do a X-fade on the audio.
00:57 we are sitting on the closed door for far too long before the door opens. Once you take the cut, the door should open right away.
1:02 – the connection between crossing to the desk and arriving there is also off, but only by a few frames. Tighten that up.
Now, look at the desk and pen sequence. Here you have many more shots and perspectives. Do you see how much more fluid this is than the earlier at the desk scene?
Music would help a lot during the time transfers. Â Or SFX or both.
Take a look at old Star Trek movies for the ‘transporter scenes’ to see how SFX can drive something like this really nicely
Now, you see at 1:43 where you arrive in the past? Â See how you get right to the point in having the character appear? This is what you have to do when he enters the door also. Always get right to the point in transitions
2:05 don’t do that freeze frame thing. Just cut to the entry
After the entry (green coat) THEN cut back and take the freeze frame.
2:18 a bit jumpy in the edit
Nice, but of course now that the phone doesn’t break he doesnt discovery the time travel pen and so we are caught in an endless circularity of time travel
See: Stewie’s Time Machine episode on Family Guy for a fuller explanation of the time travel paradox
Nice job on your film. A bit more editing and some more detail in shooting, and some music and I think you’re there.
m
